So last week Neil and I had a conversation on things we’d like the other to work on to further enrich their lives (ok I know, dangerous grounds… the “what do you most dislike about me” conversation). Interestingly, he suggested I work on my positivity and I complimented him on his, which got me thinking, what can I do to reduce my negativity?
People I work with or have previously worked with, have always said I am bubbly, lively, happy and (you got it) positive, whereas Neil (and likely others very close to me) say I fret too much about the small things and focus too much negative energy on it. Unfortunately, I am inclined to agree with the latter. So taking the critique on board, I thought I would venture on a journey to be more positive as a person.
All our lives are filled with a series of challenges and at times it can be difficult to see the positives in these situations. Positivity is essentially a mindset, and having the ability to step back, review a situation and think of it from a different angle to what you may be used to.
I have always believed people fall into one camp (positive) or another (negative) – for a while now (probably post-university) I have found myself in the negative camp, blaming external forces for it i.e. the job, the situation, the people, sometimes even the universe and so-called “fate”. Its only when I sit down and think about it, that I realise the common denominator is me, and I have the ability to influence the outcome of all these things. If I can change my attitude towards these things, I can change the negatives into positives. Someone pointing it out, is also a major wake-up call!
Every piece of literature I have read on this subject all begins with the same thing: to be positive, you must only be surrounded by positivity. Since I have moved to another country, I get the unique opportunity to start from scratch in a whole new environment, which let’s face it, makes it damn easier! The negativities that may have surrounded me at home, are so far away now they cannot be used as an excuse, and how I establish myself and my attitude here, is 100% on me. This accountability is probably what has taken me the longest to own.
Now I appreciate not everyone is in this position, and to distance yourselves from negativity is not necessarily the easiest thing to do. It’s fair to say negative people attract other negative people and therefore it could even be that those closest to you (if you're negative) aren’t necessarily the best placed people to help you out of the funk. Whilst it may seem harsh to distance yourself from negative energy (be it people or situations), you have to realise you’re your number one priority. And as selfish as they may sound, if you don’t prioritise yourself, who else will? So I am aware this is all big talk, and I would have hugely struggled to do this in the UK, so maybe if you aren’t ready to take that step start by making smaller steps.
For example, after a big night drinking most people spend the next day moping around and it’s just a matter of time before you start feeling sorry for yourself and thinking the universe it working against you in your hungover state. Just remember this is 100% self-inflicted, and the control to change this mindset is on you. Think of it this way, the energy you accumulate on an evening out, is essentially stolen from the next day. So when you're lazing about on the sofa and feel like you’re dead to the world, it’s because you pulled that energy forward to the night before. Now this is a mental block, and I am not suggesting you never have a big night out with friends. But the winning formula is to figure out how best to combat the self-pitying whilst still enjoying a few drinks on a night out, be it arranging something active for the following day (I’ve heard that a run first thing really knocks the hangover out of you… personally unverified), or bumming around with fellow hungoverians (new word?), as misery loves company. Soon, you will forget your woes and focus on this new situation.
So this path to positivity appears to very much be a self-evaluation and determination of what is already working and what needs to be worked on. I read an article that really intrigued me. It was all about improving every tiny aspect of your life by just 1% and how these small changes will build into larger positive changes in the long run. There is this belief that changes need to be magnanimous and immediately visible in order to be counted, where in actuality it is the small changes that combine together to make the longest and lasting differences. For example, if you’re aiming to lose weight, you’re not going to drop that additional 10lbs overnight, it takes a small change of additional exercise, or healthier eating over a time frame to really be achieved.
As a creature of organization and routine, I thought I would try listing out the 1% of things that I could work on changing, as hopefully in the long run this will lead to me ticking a few additional things of my bucket list. It may also prove useful if any of you decide to go on this journey with me.
Eat less junk food I’ll aim to keep less junk food in the house and anything I do have, keep in a difficult to access place. If I can’t see it, it can’t tempt me right
Addicted to my smart phone So it has been claimed I spend way too much time on my phone. A small exercise which hopefully will go a long way is leaving my phone is another room when going to sleep. Firstly this’ll mean I will have to get up when my alarm goes off in the morning, but also means that the first thing I see won’t be my phone
Stop complaining for the next 100 days Let’s see if I can turn complaints into compliments – this’ll probably be one of the bigger challenges.
Smile everyday It’s rumoured that a smile can make any moment better. I’ll experiment, let’s see if I can confirm the rumour!
All this talk of positivity, makes me think about the things I already have to be positive about, and how I should appreciate them. The next few paragraphs are about life appreciation, and writing them out has proved in itself a great exercise for my mindset… I’d recommend trying it as a first step to the more positive you!
Working on my blog is a huge positive in my life. In all honesty it’s not for anyone but me. Being successful at it would be an absolute bonus, but in reality, I do it because I enjoy writing and have found myself in a point in my life where I have the time to invest in this for me. It is a tribute to all the things I am fortunate enough to think, do and feel and something I can look back on in years from now and remember what this time in my life was like. Potentially helping others through my words is a bonus, and it is always really great to hear what others think, especially with my more conversational topics. It would be fair to say the moment I start finding it an obligation, it will stop. (#allgoodthingscometoanend #nellyfurtado)
I live in a multicultural city, positioned amazingly to do something I have always dreamed off: travel. Never did I imagine myself in a situation where I could either afford the time or the money to hop off to another country for the weekend. There will never be a better time in my life to travel than now, and I am so fortunate to have so much in such easy access. Ironically, the UK was the same, but it took this move for me to really appreciate it. Many people I know love to travel, and so many have been ever so successful in doing so, proving with the right mindset you can achieve whatever you desire.
Now (the soppy part) as I mentioned earlier, I am lucky enough to be married to a very positive person. No matter the situation, Neil will find the bright side (hi-five to anyone now humming “Mr Brightside”), which can be frustrating and I will tell him as much, but also forces me to see things from another perspective. If someone can remain that positive, even after putting up with my hangovers from hell, they deserve some recognition right?!
Aside from Neil, I do have some really inspirational people I can look to in my day to day life. One, quit her stable job in finance to pursue her dream job, which started as a hobby. Through her dedication she has developed a great brand, does what she loves full time and is absolutely smashing life (oh hey Lufi!) Another pair, decided to quit their jobs and travel the world with nothing but backpacks on their shoulders, which will serve them with a lifetime of memories and an experience they will never regret (and some insanely jealous friends!)
Being positive has got to be partially imparting positivity on to other people. Be it telling someone they look nice, or just giving someone your time when you know they need an ear. Things like this appear relatively basic, but don’t always come easily to all. For me, now, being this nice is a strange phenomenon. I use to be the person that would regularly tell people how much they meant to me and I was led to believe that this meant I was too soft, so then went the complete other way, where I became very cynical about people. Having accepted and taken steps to combat the negativity I feel will be the turning point.
These exercises of listing the small changes I can make and writing down some positives in my life itself felt like a great step! However the idea of being positive is very unique and different amongst all of us. Just remember you are in charge of your life, you decide how you spend your time and you can decide to be positive. Essentially it is all down to you. And if I can take these steps, there is no stopping anyone else.
This post is probably the most personal I have written, and it is with a lot of hesitation that I finally have the balls to talk about this so openly. Kind of puts the saying “if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough” into a whole new perspective. It is not meant to come across as preachy, and I am by no means a positivity expert, just someone who wants to make a change for the better, which I feel many of you may relate to. Actually thinking about the mental impact of my wider actions is definitely a step in the right direction. Remember small changes now make big changes in the long run!
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and wouldn’t mind some fellow positivity searching companions. Feel free to message me with your 1% improvement goals and things that have worked for you! Now is the turning point where I find a good balance somewhere in between. I am excited at the prospect of finding the new me! It won’t be easy, but then things that are worth it never are right?!
